And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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