I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
