If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
