it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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