Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
