just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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