a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
