ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
