I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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