bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
