who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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