I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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