I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
