was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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