I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
