so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
