Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
