Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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