Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
