What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
