i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
