i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
