my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
