I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
