Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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