I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
