i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
