Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is Oprah even human
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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