Im at strip club and am horny
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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