My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
