I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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