When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
