so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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