It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
