Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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