We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
