why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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