I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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