You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
