Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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