By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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