tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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