Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
