I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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