My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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