Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She even gives head with a lisp.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
