i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
