so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
