I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
