she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
