I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't turn off my feet"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
