how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
