I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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