giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
