omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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