he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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