just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
