Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
