I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
