I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
