He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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