Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
