you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to sanitize my soul.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
