I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
