very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
