Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
