I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
